All posts tagged: puns

File Under: my failed comedy career

Earlier this week I was going through old saved email drafts, when I stumbled upon something very special from about two years ago that I’d completely forgotten about. It was a page of jokes I wrote for a fake comedy sketch that someone a lot funnier than me should write one day. The concept is one of those parody advertisements for a new perfume called Congresshanel. Let’s be clear, at no point was there a possibility of this sketch being produced. I’ve never been in a comedy group, nor have I ever written a comedy sketch or even performed with an improv troupe. I just spent about 45 minutes one night writing absurd congressional pun taglines in an email that never got sent to anyone because I thought it was funny.  And since my blog doesn’t have enough government-related humor already, I thought I would share them with you lovely people. Please feel free to read them in an overly sensual voice à la ridiculously sexualized perfume ads, and make sure you whissssper the last word to get the full effect. You’ll never …

An UnPRESIDENTed Evening

Picture this: three 20-something girls on a wild vacation through Western Europe, make a stop in Lisbon, Portugal. Checking in with them around 9PM, you might expect to find them out dancing, drinking, experiencing the local nightlife. Or you might find them in their AirBnB rental, already changed into sweatpants, winding down from a long day of wandering around in the hot sun. Guess which one was me. No, rather than going out and partying like most sensible people our age, we spent our evening dedicated to creating a series of President puns…on Snapchat. I present to you the results of that evening: We literally did this for HOURS. Then spent an entire dinner the next evening coming up with additional puns. Clearly we know how to have a good time!! Presidents we missed: James Madison, John Quincy Adams, Martin Van Buren, John Tyler, James K. Polk, Zachary Tyler, Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan, Andrew Johnson, Ulysses S. Grant, Benjamin Harrison, William Howard Taft, Woodrow Wilson, Warren G. Harding, Calvin Collidge, Harry S. Truman, Richard Nixon, …

Un oeuf is enough

Have some jokes courtesy of my newly opened bag of Carambars! Quelle est la plus vieille ville du monde ? Milan ! Quel super héros donne le plus vite l’heure ? Speed heure man ! Que font deux brosses à dent le 14 juillet ? Un feu dentifrice ! Quel est le comble d’un juge gourmand ? Manger des avocats. Quel poisson n’a pas de certificat de naissance ? Le possion pané. But the real question is…..did he still have to get it translated to give to the MGEN???? ❂